raised Christian

I was raised in a Christian family, went to church weekly, professed Christ and was baptized at age 12. Yet somehow I spent over 40 years in improper lesbian sexual relationships, which by the way I have always hated that word. The last relationship has been a 25 year monogamous relationship. Somewhere in the depths of my being I knew it was a wrong way of lifestyle, but I chose to ignore that. To my amazement, God never ignored me. I would try to attend church from time to time but I would feel so convicted, I would end up sobbing all through the the singing and worship. But God kept tugging at my heart.

I found my way to a BSF group 2 years ago during COVID. I was hungry for fellowship. We studied the book of Genesis, which I thought would be dry and repetitive, filled with history. What a surprise! The Holy Spirit used the book of Genesis to convict me and work in my heart that I wasn’t living a right lifestyle. My argument was that it would be so wrong and hurtful to my partner as well as kids (hers but ours) and grandkids.

The Holy Spirit persisted. After much struggling and resisting, I finally made the decision to break it off. And to my surprise, God started showing up in amazing ways! God used many people in my life to minister to me and love me: my family, Pastor and wife, friends in the new church I had started attending while I was struggling.

My sister, who is a Healing Hearts leader, suggested that I check a bible study out and that it might be very helpful for me. I decided to give it a try online. True to the name it became very healing for me. I was shown the sin I had allowed into my life, not just my sexual sin. Sins of selfishness, pride especially, and realizing how totally miserable I was because I was not living in confession to these sins.

I learned so much about grace (my now favorite word). I even named my cat Graycee! God is so God and faithful, and I pray to be aware everyday of the unmerited love and forgiveness God has provided through Christ. I wonder sometimes if God will lead me to a ministry for homosexuals. Currently, I am going to be working in our church ministry going in to the local jail.