choose a life well lived

If there were only one woman I could reach by telling my story, all the pain and suffering would have been worth it if it resulted in her giving her heart to the Lord and having a relationship with Him. After all, that is where happy endings happen.

I was always a people pleaser. I was driven to be accepted and got my identity from how I was accepted by other people. When my dad left us, I was 14 years old. My dad was my world and when he left it came crashing down around me and I was left lost and I felt alone.

Along came this young man who told me he loved me and I was the only one for him. We got engaged and I just knew he was going to be my forever husband. I gave him my heart, soul, and my body because to me he was already my husband. I didn’t see the warning flags, probably because I didn’t want to. I was afraid to lose him like I did my dad. Long story short, we married and I learned through five years of abuse (physical, emotional, and mental) that our marriage was over. I was not enough for him.

I began a downhill promiscuous lifestyle trying to fill the empty void in my heart with a man’s love. A place in my heart made by God, that only God could fill. I married again, again ignoring the warning signs because by this time I was walking in full disobedience and rebellion of God. Again came the abuse, just emotional and mental this time. Again, I was not good enough and he had an affair. We decided to stay together but we weren’t happy, we were just living together. We were going to church and getting counseling from our pastor and over many, many slow painful years our marriage became stronger.

What I would like for any woman struggling to find her identity and place in this world is to not seek to find it in people who are frail, fickle, and also struggling to find someone to complete them. After 59 + years I can say with all the assurance of someone my age who has gone through all those years of defeat and depression, the only way to your joy and fulfillment is to make the Lord God, your Creator, the Love of your life. Abide in Him. Fill yourself to the fullest in Him. Love Him with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind and you will find you are the cherished, most beloved daughter of the King of Kings. The One who gave you life and breath and knew every day of your life before you were even born. You will never be loved more by anyone than by God. Keep your eyes on Jesus, not on the world, and your treasure will be more than you could ever hope for. Choose God, choose life, a life well lived.