only Christ’s forgiveness

This study has been a portal for me to receive true healing from God. I didn’t realize how much the struggle to forgive myself spread, manifested, and poisoned my life. I didn’t realize that I had completely separated God from self-forgiveness and was quite literally killing myself trying to forgive myself in my own human capacity and ability.

The more I tried and failed, the further I fell into spiritual attacks. I believed I wasn’t meant to survive the abuse and that I had defied God yet again, defied death, and was then living a stained, miserable, worthless life because I wasn’t supposed to live anyway. I started to believe this was penance for choosing a man, and the most wicked one at that, over my God. I isolated myself from everyone to try to hide, mask, and contain my ugly. Memories and reminders plagued me into spiral depression and anxiety so potent that it physically manifested and made me sick. I was in the emergency room 3 or 4 different times throughout this study.

On one of the ER visits the day before, I read the message that we are not called to achieve self-forgiveness, and especially not for our own healing because Christ is the only One who can provide true healing to us through His Blood.

The devil had been attacking me so hard because I was about to come into true healing and freedom. The second I read those words in that section of the self-forgiveness unit, I burst into loud sobs, of both relief and sorrow, all in the most gorgeous ways. I realized I have struggled with something that is so simple and accessible in this ’’world’’.

I felt the physical weight of my unforgiveness, shame, bitterness and bitter struggle, the weight of a true ’’dog fight’’ almost to my own demise, for my life and spirit quite literally and instantaneously release off of me, truly like broken shackles. Understanding that I was not called to forgive myself as it’s already been paid for and erased in and through the blood of Christ has changed my life forever. Praise God, and thank you Healing Hearts!