husband can see the difference

Right before I was offered to take this bible study, I found myself struggling a lot with past memories and current events in my life that I was having a hard time getting over. I thought I had already dealt with them in the past but I found myself struggling again.

My husband relayed that our intern pastor was looking for some ladies to go through this study to see about becoming counselors for other women in our church. I absolutely want to help others heal. What I didn’t expect was that I still had more healing that had to take place first.

I know that I was still struggling, but I got to a point where I thought that was normal. I had past trauma and so I thought that was what I would deal with for life. As I went through this study, I found that I don’t have to struggle in that way.

I was never able to talk with anyone about my life. I never found a safe place or person to confide in. (My husband knows everything and even walked with me through a lot of it, but he did not know how to help me with the healing part. He is great and washes me in the word daily but I struggled to apply that to my life.)

I needed to be able to have a safe place where I know that someone else had past trauma and could relate even in a small way. I found this a safe place where I was not going to be judged. As I mentioned, being an elder’s wife and a Church planter’s wife, it is hard to find someone that I could talk with that understands hurt and past sins without it hurting my husband or my family.

I really appreciated that the study really pulls out my own sin. It is so easy to think that the problems in our lives are all due to other people . I also love being turned back to the Bible for all our answers. This study has helped me also to distinguish between fearful, ungodly anxiety that comes from sin and the anxiety that comes from a hormone imbalance.

I can now work though the waves that come and know if it is sin that I need to take to the Lord or if is my body going though a surge. I still take it to the Lord but now I don’t feel guilty every time, thinking I was in sin. So many well meaning people try to help with anxiety by labeling it all due to sin, but it is not. I was able to have blood work done to show that my cortisol levels will leave me with surges of anxiety and that my ever changing estrogen will sometimes leave me with depression. Now I can tell the difference and I can ride the waves that throw me against the rock of ages.

I asked my husband the other night if he has noticed any difference in me over the last 10 weeks. I was so happy when he had said yes. He noticed that I was calmer and not reacting to him or blaming him for everything that was wrong. He told me that he was thankful that I was going through this study and he saw that it was helping me. I am thankful.