found breath in the words of God

A bit over 10 weeks ago I was suffering from a battle of the brain that was overwhelming my soul. The stresses of family life, marriage, and overcoming a lifetime of false narratives about myself were consuming all the breath in my lungs. A friend of mine who had completed this study suggested I go through it myself. I trust her, and so I did.

What was clear to me then was I was panicking and in my panic I was unable to find my way into the company of God. I knew He was there, but I just couldn’t calm myself to recognize him or not see him as an enemy like everyone and everything else was. The best way to stop a panic attack is to begin to slow your breathing, and while you do to begin to focus your gaze on something that is grounded and not moving. So, that is what this study was for me - It was my slowing of my breathing and a refocusing of my gaze.

By the thoughtful and methodical road laid out each week for me to walk along in this study, my panic attack has ended. I have found my breath in the words of God written and inspired by the Holy Spirit through the scriptures, through the testimony of those who wrote this study, and through my own story telling as well.

Here I was reacquainted with the good, kind, and generous God who saves me. I was reminded of the importance of confession and forgiveness.

It’s crucial to inventory our hearts. When we don’t, so many small paper cuts add up to a deep weeping and festering wound. To also inventory how I am defining God and interacting with Him as well was amazing. I had allowed false teachings from my Christian faith communities as well as false teachings from the world silence the truth of the Triune God.

This study was not one that was about leading me to what is right, and being right, and therefore living right. This study was one that led me to the person of Jesus Christ, the presence of the Holy Spirit, and into the company of a good and kind Father. It also helped to further reunite me to scripture. Scripture has been so abused in my life by those who taught me from it. The Bible was no longer what it is, but rather what it wasn’t.

So, I thank God for continuing to reestablish Himself as my God and to bring the text we use as Christians back to life. It’s been good. I’m not fixed from this study, but I am refreshed and given a realignment. It was a way of shaking off the ill fitting clothing of the world and religion to be left with the well-fitting clothing of the Spirit. It is lovely.