A woman's story · The Hem of His Garment
scripture driven study
Through ’’The Hem of His Garment’’, I began to learn that though I had always known who God and Jesus were and loved them and wanted to grow closer to them, I had failed to really ask them into my life, confess and repent of my sins and give my will to Him. I failed to develop a relationship with them and educate myself through God’s word. I lived in my own will and though knowledgeable of the ten commandments, my character flaws led me to sin again and again, rationalizing all the while that my sins were justified.
Because I failed to put my relationship with God first in my life, I failed to nourish my children with all things leading them to God. I chose to handle everything myself and followed my own ungodly path of control and manipulations to have what I wanted and get by. I lied by omission and eventually to out and out lie, especially to my husband.
I worked hard, making more and more money to buy more and more things. I failed to pay bills on time and kept it a secret. I spent money irresponsibly trying to buy happiness for myself and my immediate family, rationalizing and blaming it on my husband’s alcoholism all the way.
My sins are mine, my sins against my husband were not justified. My sins were also against God. I had put false idols before God: money and worldly things and even idolized people I wanted to be more like. I have learned what idolization is and I choose not to idolize things of this world over God any more.
I have learned that God’s love, grace and mercy are all I need and He will provide all that I need. I learned a phrase from someone in the recent past, ’’I can’t, but God can’’. I no longer dwell in the past or have anxiety about the future, thanks to having God in my life.
God has given me salvation. A new word I learned fairly recently is sanctification. I know that if I stay in fellowship, confess and repent, God will cleanse me of my iniquities and help me stay strong spiritually.
I also learned that in spite of feeling like I was a humble person, I spent a lot of time being prideful and judgmental. I now know that pride is an abomination to the Lord and judgement is reserved for our Lord and Savior. He will be our avenger. I pray for the Lord to guide me, keeping me strong and free of these sins.
I know now about righteous and unrighteous anger. I need to remain humble like Jesus. I need to be humble and listen, reacting only as He would, not in a prideful and judgmental way; treating all others as I would want to be treated. I must practice forgiveness to others as without doing so, how can i expect to be forgiven?
This scripture-driven study brought hurts to light that I had buried decades ago. It was done so with such a kind approach that remembering them was not so traumatic as I expected. I have forgiven people without difficulty. Past hurts no longer have a hold on me. I am not a victim any longer in my own sick thinking of the past or otherwise.
Even though I am a widow, I was fairly ignorant about how God intended for men and women to conduct themselves in relationship and marriage. It certainly clarified the word ’’obedience’’ as spoken in the wedding vows. My marriage of 44 years was faithful with regard to sexual conduct, but I was not an obedient wife. The fact that God wants married couples to enjoy each other sexually was, well, I was never sure of myself. I now know God wants men and women to honor and enjoy one another and keep our minds clear of provocative ideas outside of our relationships.
I now feel better equipped for continued spiritual growth and service as God leads me due to my participation in this study. All thanks and praise to God for all the devoted followers and disciples who developed this study and others to help struggling people to heal spiritually.
