from sloppy spiritual habits to meaningful, life-giving relationship

I was raised in an alcoholic family where verbal abuse, physical danger and neglect were my normal. When I was 13, I was in a go-cart accident that broke my hip, gave me a concussion, but no medical treatment was provided. For thousands of miles, on several cross country trips, I was a passenger while my Dad drove intoxicated and my parents yelled at each other. My parents divorced when I was 16 years old and I plunged into a life of drinking, sex and was raped multiple times before I was 18. Panic attacks started after I experimented with marijuana. Fortunately, it scared me so severely that I never smoked again. I entered university broken and scared because I was still having panic attacks.

Through friends and campus Christian organizations I realized that Jesus was the Son of God and He wanted a relationship with me. I became a Christian, married a wonderful Christian man and we had three children. Life was good, but I still dealt with fear and trauma from my childhood and severe pain from my hip that was deteriorating from arthritis.

Then health issues began to happen with all of my children. My youngest son was in so much abdominal pain that he contemplated suicide, he later told me. The pain of watching all three of my children suffer for so long and without a diagnosis, put me into a severe depression. After three long years it was determined that my two sons have Crohn’s disease and my daughter has PCOS (polycystic ovary syndrome)and IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome).

From the go-cart accident as a child, I’ve had both hips replaced and have had to learn to walk correctly after 30 years of pain and compensating for the pain with poor posture. I was angry at my parents for not protecting me and providing the medical help that I needed. I was living with depression, fear and shame. I was angry and fearful of God because my children have incurable diseases.

Through the study, The Hem of His Garment, I came to realize that I had gotten into sloppy spiritual habits. I wasn’t telling myself the promises found in God’s word. I had let the fear of man and feelings control my thoughts and actions. I wasn’t forgiving others while Christ has lavished His forgiveness on me. Healing Hearts Ministry provided discipleship with an amazing counselor and encouraged study of God’s word, which has shown me how to have a meaningful, life-giving relationship with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, regardless of my life circumstances.