I searched my whole life for happiness and peace. I looked to find happiness in friends, relationships, drugs and alcohol, only to always find myself disappointed. I knew at a very young age, there was a GOD and knew that one day I wanted to know HIM. In my mind, GOD was a distant thing and I didn’t really know the steps I needed to take to be close to GOD. I always had the idea in my head, when I was doing things GOD’s way, I would know HIM and be holy. I lived most of my life knowing the truth about GOD, but living on the fence, still dabbling with worldly things. Time after time, I found myself miserable and broken. I had my first child at a very young age. I was unmarried and hopeless. I thought that if I got married and went to church, I would find GOD and happiness. Trying to do the right thing, things failed. Still living on the fence, I remarried thinking this was my changing point. But yet again, I was miserable and hopeless. What could I be doing wrong? I had an awesome husband, yet I held so much bitterness inside. For most of my life, I hid all my unhappiness with alcohol. Like the saying goes, “if you play with fire you’re going to get burned”. That’s exactly what happened. I found myself at the point of destruction. I was ruining my marriage and family with my drinking. That was my true turning point; when I realized it wasn’t anyone else making me be the way I was, it was me. Only I could be blamed for the monster I made myself. I repented and came before GOD, crying out for help and HE met me. So graciously, HE picked me up dusted me off and made me new. GOD lifted the bitterness and ugliness I held in my heart off my shoulders, and gave me a peace in my heart. The heavy weight I carried of bitterness and ugliness, it was astonishing to realize how much it was holding me down from seeing happiness. God showed me that true happiness is knowing HIM. He is NOT a distant thing; He is there for you 24/7. Developing a relationship with HIM takes a wanting heart, the eagerness to read HIS word and spend time with HIM. Man will always let you down, but GOD will NEVER fail you, Amen! I find hope in this, knowing that when the world lets me down, God will never let me down. He has delivered me from the bondage of alcohol, conquered by going to GOD, asking HIM to strengthen me. Like the scripture says, “I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me” Phil 4:13. I am far from perfect, but the difference for me now, is that I truly know GOD. I’m obedient to His word, no longer walking on the fence. I’ve put my faith in HIM, sacrificing my life to live for the good of GOD. I know GOD has a will for me and HIS will can only be played out if I surrender to HIM. God has blessed me with three beautiful children and a GOD loving husband. I’m going to continue walking with GOD and seeking HIM. This world has nothing to offer me, but GOD has so much in store. This ministry has really given me understanding of the goodness of GOD. It helped me understand how to be a well rounded Christian, to seek HIM for even the little things. Blessings
