new life and new love

God is centered in my day like never before. I thought I knew His love, but I had only seen it from the outside looking in. He wanted more for me, and I kept all of it at arms length.

People, love, trust, real happiness… Walls were broken on my heart and a peace filled it. I wish I could explain it better but it’s as if my mind can breathe too. God has shut off the negativity and filled it with the goodness of what life has for me.

I laugh with my husband every day. We hold each other and enjoy each other’s company, as if we are starting again 24 years later. I enjoy time with my sisters and mom in a way I’ve not been able to.

Here’s a HUGE one… I don’t judge others and have a preconceived notion they have an alternative agenda or judging me. I just talk to people and feel love in my heart. I want to hear about them and they want to hear about me. It is a trust I didn’t know I was ever missing in my relationships.

I have forgiven the men in my life for how I was treated. I can see that they are human and mess up like me and God will handle it as He sees fit, because He knows best.

I AM FORGIVEN. Oh, it makes me tear up just writing about it. His grace is enough. He loves me for me and all my mistakes are in the past, I’ve repented and walking in a new direction. God doesn’t want me to live under the shadows of my past. He wants me to see the light of my life and move in ways that continues to share that light with others.

I sort of sit here in awe of this because I never thought there was any way possible that my life needed to be changed. I thought I was fine… I was NOT fine. Even if I was “fine”, He has more for me than just “fine”. I was a mess on the inside and faking it on the outside. I have been blessed by this study and KNOW that it will continue to bless others in their walk with God.