why? to forgiven

I was a Christian never understanding why I would react to things with anger and sin. I didn’t feel I had control. I was in a cycle I didn’t know how to get out of. I was like the Israelites going around the same mountain, never reaching the promised land.

I also couldn’t understand why God allowed evil and suffering, and for the sexual abuse I suffered growing up. I gave up so many times, I didn’t want people to know I was a Christian, because I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. I went through counseling many times. I tried escaping through shopping, travel, casinos, etc. Those were only temporary pleasures.

Then I found this wonderful ministry, blessing me with a Christian counselor, which made all the difference. It went slow and at times seemed repetitive. It was difficult during the busyness of life but so worth it!

I realized I had been angry with God for allowing me to go through the abuse, but He was right there with me through it all. It hurts God to see his children suffer, but He doesn’t control people. He gives us a choice whether to follow His spirit or the world, and as we know the world is evil. So hurt people hurt people.

I was evil by ending my child’s life through abortion. I was also angry with myself. I blamed God and didn’t look at myself. He began the transformation of my heart and the renewing of my mind through this Bible study and my oh-so-patient Christian counselor.

I thank God for his saving grace, which makes us righteous. He loves us while we are still sinners. I was angry with Him, yet He gave me life, and gave up His Son for me, forgiving me when I gave up my child. How wrong is that? He is the one who should be angry! But He loves us unconditionally and never gives up on us, so I will never give up either!

I finally have the peace of God. I’m not striving anymore, but just beginning a relationship with my Savior. He is faithful and so so Good! In His presence is fullness of joy, and that’s where I want to stay. I thank God for this ministry, and for my counselor, Michelle. I pray you too can begin the journey to freedom❤️