pregnant twice

Praise to God Who heals and restores us to His fellowship!

I grew up always knowing I trusted in God. I had godly parents who tried to train us properly. When I got to school some things were taught in a way that made me less sure of what things were proper or real. The whole evolution issue caused me to begin with some doubting. Then when I was in college, my church music minister introduced me to Christian Agnosticism. That really interfered with my Christian life. I began to do what all humans since the Fall have done and think that I was able to judge whether what the Bible says God commands is true or not.

I started to think that God gave us sex so that we could make sure our choice of partner was the right one, instead of realizing it was given for us to have a special relationship with just one man. It gives us intimacy to protect us from others and allow us to have a special form of communication with one person. Instead, I didn’t think it would affect my relationship with my future husband if I auditioned him before marriage. Boy, was I wrong! After some experimenting with petting, I had sex. The very first time I got pregnant. I had been taught in school that it can be hard to get pregnant. I didn’t think it would happen the first time.

I was mortified! I didn’t want to have a baby and I sure didn’t want to have to marry the man I had sex with. So, I had an abortion. It was purely selfish. I wanted to live my life without that complication. Or so I thought.

A few years later, I was in Europe. I met a young American who was just passing through. We had dinner together and had a good time, so I had sex again. Again, one time and I was pregnant. I came home and found out I was pregnant. I didn’t know the father or how to get in touch. I felt it was wrong, but I had another abortion. I began attending a bible teaching church. It was then that I was able to truly and fully confess and realize what I had cost Christ on the cross. I felt the power of the cleansing and started learning how to overcome the anger that came so easily. I started to not only renew my mind but also take captive every thought. The more I grew the more God was able to clean out my old habits and thinking. It is a process that continues even today.

I know I can trust Him to always provide for me and grow me. He is faithful and good to teach us how to abide in Him. I know I can go to Him in prayer. I know He will continue to grow me and train me for His purpose. I desire to walk in the path He chooses. Praise be to God from whom all blessings flow!