nothing to everything

I grew up like a lot of other people have, in a broken home because of divorce and all that comes with that. I heard on a regular basis that I was good for nothing, and would amount to nothing. My self confidence never really developed, but the bitterness in my heart sure did, one failure after another.

I did as I saw my Mom do, blame everyone else for my problems. After years of abuse and fighting, my mother decided it was best for her and my brothers and sisters that I go into foster care. Foster care can be good for some, but not for others. I was in the latter. I just burned through one relationship after another.

When I was 31, I met my amazing wife. It was very difficult for a long time, and we almost didn’t make it, BUT GOD. You see, it was a blessing that I went into foster care because that’s how I ended up coming to church, and eventually coming to Jesus.

I wish i could say it was fantastic after that, but God had some house cleaning to do in my heart. I look back and can see how He was with me all along, caring for me, protecting me, but also allowing me to learn from my decisions. I made a lot of bad decisions, and am still quite capable of making more, BUT GOD had me, and still has me in His arms. He understands me better than I or anyone else could.

When I finally came to Healing Hearts the first time, God was able to crack my hardness, and remove my fake smile. I didn’t want to play church anymore. I struggled with hating myself, and therefore was afraid of people seeing me the way I saw myself. God patiently softened my heart more, while exposing more in my heart that He wanted to heal.

I returned to Healing Hearts for a second time and new study called, ’’The Good Fight’’. I figured I’d be through this one much quicker than the first one. Boy, was I wrong.

God was able to expose a root He wanted to take away that had a tight grip around my neck. I still believed what my Mom said to me so many times, ’’You are good for nothing, and you will amount to nothing’’.

The fact is, without God, we are worse than good for nothing. We are lost to Him. Nothing we accomplish, or fail to accomplish will matter at all if we wander through life bitter at God for what we have experienced and separated from Him and all that is good.

In God’s eyes we have so much worth. He gave His only begotten Son to be sacrificed on the cross for OUR sins. How many of us would consider giving up someone we love, for someone who hates us? God did, because He loves us. We have worth in His eyes. We can have a new identity in Him.

I have been saved for a long time, but I never exchanged my identity I received from my mother’s opinion of me, for God’s truth about me. I am a new creation. I can do all things through Christ, according to His will for my life.

I never thought that God could use my brokenness that He is healing, as a tool to connect with others who are hurting. I’ve watched Him use this study, what I was learning, and my story, to lead other men to this study. This was while i was still completing this study.

I’m watching Him change and heal my heart daily now, as I seek Him. This is not easy. Man, the enemy is ticked off and is really trying to get back the territory he has lost and is continually losing. BUT GOD has me, and will never leave me, nor forsake me.

I’m thankful for something else too that God is doing. He isn’t building up my self-esteem, He is building up my faith in Him! They don’t compare at all. Faith comes from God, not from us. Self-esteem is a close cousin to selfishness. Self-esteem is about ourselves, and no one else. Faith is about God, and not ourselves.

When we take our eyes off of ourselves, and fix them on Jesus, see Him for who He is, worship Him, and allow Him to bless others through us, we will receive all that we need from God.