I dragged this study on most weeks, I even wanted to stop sometimes when life seemed to get too busy. Luckily, my mentor was pursuant. This study, from the very beginning, was a quest I did not want to take because of the pain it caused to face the Truth. After confronting the Truth, and discovering the lies I had come to believe, I feel freed. I am not so troubled by my sins that threatened to overtake me, because Jesus has overcome them. I believe that I am forgiven when I ask the Lord for forgiveness. I trust in his grace and mercy, and that it is enough to wash away my sins from long ago, and the ones I’ll make tomorrow. I have been healed from the sin of my abortion, but most importantly I have been introduced to the Healer of all of my tomorrows. I believe He really does love me - and none of my works, actions, thoughts, sins, or prayers will change the fact that He loves me. I have learned I can always go back to our Father, and He will be there waiting and eager to have me start new. He wants me to push forward and to sin no more, no matter how many times I must move forward from having fallen backward. I was stuck in a rut that was very defeating to me emotionally and spiritually; I have found a new door that has always been unlocked- I just had never opened. Now today - I open that door constantly. Yes, it closes sometimes. And I knock again. He opens it again. I see the relationships in my life that are old, and I can see more clearly the ones that have grown new in Him. It is difficult to grow apart from the lifestyle I no longer live - the thoughts I no longer DESIRE - and the feelings I continuously work to line up with his Word. But it is a gift that gives daily, even on the days I don’t want it, and on every day- when I do not deserve it. Blessed be the Lord!! I know Him better now.
