Pastor, dad, now free

Over twenty years ago, my girlfriend at the time and I thought an abortion was the answer to an unexpected and unwanted pregnancy. Shortly afterwards, we broke up.

10 years later I became a Christian and realized what a terrible sin abortion was. I knew Christ had forgiven me of all my sins, even abortion (I named one of my daughters Grace as I saw then how unworthy I was to have children, yet he has blessed me with four beautiful daughters since that time) and it wasn’t long after that, that I and my wife and children prepared and entered full time ministry as a pastor.

In spite of knowing I was forgiven there were times of doubt, feelings of shame, regret, and anger and sadness. At times, I would cry when nobody was around thinking about the abortion but would try to quickly dismiss it by telling myself I had no right to cry over my child who I had aborted, or that I was just having a pity party.

One day, after having watched a TV show on abortion, I came across the Healing Hearts website and saw Restoring a Father's Heart. Since I am a pastor, I thought it might be a helpful resource to look into and have. Little did I know that God would use this study to heal me. The Lord told me “I have forgiven you, but let me show you what I forgave you of”. It was in this study that I really saw myself for who I was and what I had done.

God used this study to remind me that while I had forgotten that I was to be a father and a protector to my child and had cut him down in the womb, God had not forgotten him. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I now have a son in Heaven, whose name is Zachary, which means, “Remembered by God”. God remembered my son. The world said he was a fetus, a blob that had no feelings, who was not a child and it would make no real difference if he were aborted. Man, were they and I ever so wrong.

God used Healing Hearts to do just that; heal me. The Lord shared with me, as a result of this study that while I had sacrificed my unborn baby on the altar of fear and selfish convenience, He had sacrificed His Son Jesus on the altar of the cross for me. He shared with me, through the Healing Hearts Study that “Forgiveness gets me into Heaven (and so much more), Healing, however, gets me through life”. I have that now, healing.

While I wish I could go back and undo what I did, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my savior, Jesus Christ gave his life for me on the account of all my sins (abortion included) and has forgiven me, and loves me, and wants to take that hurt that he has healed me of and use it for His glory. I praise Him for allowing me to find this site and participate in this study. I thank Sue Liljenberg for being faithful to God’s call to establish Healing Hearts, and for my e-counselor Alan, whose guidance and encouragement helped me through some pretty painful times.

As a pastor who has gone through this study, I have no reservations whatsoever in recommending this site to men or women who have been hurt due to the effects of abortion. May God strengthen us for the fight we are in and may this awful, detestable practice of destroying our unborn be brought to a quickened end.