I believed when I got my abortion that it wasn’t a baby yet and it was ok, because it was ok according to the laws. Bringing my baby in to the world would only cause so many more problems not just for me, but for everybody else too. I had the sin of pride, sin of self righteousness. I was trying to cover my shame for 34 years and was failing miserably. I was trying to please myself and making choices every day of my life to please myself. I learned that God hates the shedding of innocent blood and that I was a murderer. This has been very difficult for me to accept and know and will be difficult for the rest of my life. By faith, I believe that Jesus died on the cross that horrible death because He loves me and He has taken away my sin of abortion and covers my shame now. I’m still trying to see myself as that person with no sin because Jesus is my righteousness. I know this in my heart, but in my mind I’m hoping God will continue to heal me every day. I’m thankful for God’s grace. I’m thankful for the experience to go back and grieve the loss of my baby, which I had never done. I didn’t even know that I was so sad inside because I had killed my baby. I’m thankful for the opportunity to confess my sin of my abortion and all the fornication, lying and all my other sin. I’m thankful for God showing me all my bitterness. I didn’t see myself as a bitter person, yet at the same time, I couldn’t figure out why I was all alone. I’m thankful now that God has helped me give all that to Him and when another root shows up, He reveals that to me so I can take care of it. Now when stuff happens in my day, God reminds me to bring it to him so the sun does not go down on my wrath and so that bitterness cannot spring up.
