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May 2011 Prayer Letter
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Healing Hearts Ministries Internaional [LOGO]

Dear Friend,


In this month's prayer letter, we have asked Alan Van Boven, one of our online Wounded Warrior Bible study e-counselors, to highlight our ministry to post-abortive men.

Abortion - A Men's Problem, Too! Please Pray for Us!

Yes, I know, women are only too aware that the sin of abortion involves men, not just women. It's obvious, to be sure; the choice of abortion and the pain, grief, guilt, remorse, anger and a raft of other emotions that follow that choice are just as much men's issues as they are women's. We men, however, do not seem to know that or, if we do, we are a whole lot better at burying these emotions deep inside. There are a lot of "tools" to help us bury our emotions, including society's norms, and even programs and counsel given by pastors in many of our churches. How do we in Healing Hearts Ministries know that men do not own up? Well, at any given time there are 25 women working through our women's post-abortion study, Binding Up the Brokenhearted, for every man enrolled in the Wounded Warrior Bible study.

From what I have learned over the past 10 years doing Wounded Warrior e-counseling, I will discuss the defenses we use to avoid coming to grips with our past, the emotions we go through as we work through the Bible study and the impact on our lives, before and after. I have to say that this work continues to be a blessing to me. Sometimes, as I'm sure you many of you know, a sorrow-filled blessing, but truly a gift to be able to coach each man through this extraordinary work. Even when the empathy brings me to tears, the sorrow is joyous, too.

There are three types of abortion experiences men have when they come to this study, based on the role they played in the abortion(s) with their partner(s). I use "partner" here to mean the woman they had the abortion with. Sometimes they are married to that woman, more often not. Some men have had more than one abortion, as many as five.

First, there are the men who did as much as they could to persuade their woman partner not to abort their unborn baby. These men, when they get here, are angry, very angry - at the woman, at their helpless role, and often, at God. Lesson 3 on anger is a powerful place for these men. The work they do through Lesson 5 - The Road to Calvary - is vital preparation for the hard work they must do in Lessons 8 and 9 on forgiveness. The change in their marriage relationship after forgiveness and redemption is a miracle to watch.

Then there are the men who abdicated their God-given role to protect the precious life of their unborn child as well as the woman they are with. This was my path, way back in 1970 when Ginger and I chose
the "easy out" of abortion. I lifted nary a finger or argument to do what I knew deep in my heart was the right thing. Lesson 2 of Wounded Warrior is a tough one for us - it brings up the guilt and shame, the anguish and despair, once we realize what the cost of our abdication really was. For many years we kept our secret buried. The work we do in Lesson 9 to fully accept God's total forgiveness is a struggle for us but so essential in our recovery.

The third type are the men who actively, even aggressively, pushed for the abortion, at times with a cooperative partner, or often with a partner who does not want to abort, but feels compelled to by her baby's father. These men, once convicted by the Holy Spirit, come to Wounded Warrior with raw emotions that are affecting their lives every day - their work, their marriage, their family and their relationship with God. Anger at themselves and anyone they can blame dominates these men; their anger is the defense that allows them to avoid the feelings of guilt, pain, grief and remorse. Lessons 3 & 4 - Responding to the Truth and The Consequences of Sin - are challenges for these men. Then we get to lesson 9 and we struggle with the notion of self-forgiveness. These men latch onto this. They oft say, "I can't forgive myself". They must come to the knowledge that "self-forgiveness" is really the unwillingness to accept the price our Lord paid at Calvary for our sin, even the sin of abortion. This harsh realization usually works for us.

Both abdicators and aggressors bump into their past, and often their present in addressing sexual sin in Lesson 7. It's usually what got us into the place of abortion choice in the first place. For all of us, the idols we often fall down to are fear, selfishness, money and career. We are willing to sacrifice the most innocent of all, our unborn children, on the altar of convenience. It boils down to, "It's inconvenient now to have this child", even when many of us knew that our Lord "created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb" (Psalm 139:13).

Men for whom the abortion was recent come to Wounded Warrior with raw emotions, often devastated by what they have done. Here is the testimony of Nathan, who as a Christian, chose the sin of abortion with his wife just months before enrolling. Nathan's testimony:

This Bible study is a deeply powerful and often challenging look into your personal relationship with God. Though it is difficult at times, it shows you just how much God loves you. After completing the Bible study, I know that my walk with God will never be the same. I have found a deeper appreciation for digging into the scriptures and more of a passion for reading the Word of God. I have a deeper more personal relationship with God than I ever did before. I regret that it took the life of my child for me to gain this closer walk, but God can turn a terrible mistake into good. Genesis 50:20 says "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." I don't ever want to go back to the lukewarm Christian lifestyle that I lived previously. I thank God for the Healing Hearts Ministry and for the healing and restoration that He has begun to do and will continue to do in my life. My chains are gone and I've been set free.


Then there are men who held this sin inside for years. Bob, a successful businessman, recently completed Wounded Warrior with a great deal of pain over this long past sin, along with severe impact on his marriage and children. Bob's testimony:

I aborted my children 35 years ago. As a Christian I buried this sin very, very deep in my soul hoping it would just sort of go away because I was forgiven by Christ. Healing Hearts has helped me open up this infected wound in my soul and clean out of all the shame, guilt, pride, bitterness and selfishness that was there that I didn't want to admit. For 35 years I've been afraid to go to that dark place of my past, afraid of what bringing up this terrible sin would do to me. Healing Hearts brought me there in a firm but gentle way, as our heavenly Father would do. God spoke through my counselor Alan as my steady guide, always encouraging and supportive. I believe my healing will be a continuous process throughout my life and Healing Hearts has been God's instrument in starting me on this journey of healing. I would recommend this program to any man suffering from post abortion as a means of learning about yourself, how you fell into this terrible sin and the saving power of our merciful God in heaven.


Every week, as Ginger and I drive to see my 90 year old father, we pass a billboard that has the penetrating message: "Abortion: One Heart Stops Beating, Another Heart Breaks". There is often yet another heart broken, the father's. So often, these men do not know what broke their hearts.

I ask each of you to pray for us - alone, in your bible studies, in your churches and in your families. Pray for God to raise up men through His Holy Spirit, to work in our hearts, to convict us, to have courage, to bring us to that humble place that the Psalmist talks about in his broken place: "My sacrifice, O God is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart" (Psalm 51:17). Pray that post-abortive men would seek His help through His Holy Word. I ask, too, that each of you would pray for Daniel, our other male e-counselor, and I as we work with these men. Pray that God would give us the strength, the compassion, the courage to be direct when need be, and the wisdom to use His Word in this wondrous ministry of healing - to women and to men.
I thank you for giving me this blessed opportunity to bring the healing power of God's Word to these brokenhearted men.

Alan Van Boven
Healing Hearts Men's E-Ministry



Ways you can help



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Healing Hearts Ministries is a federally registered non-profit corporation, all contributions are tax deductible. One hundred percent of all contributions made to Healing Hearts go directly toward supporting the various aspects of our ministry no "administrative fee" is collected by a fund-raising service. All donations and expenditures are internally and independently monitored and audited. Annual financial statements are available upon request.

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https://www.healinghearts.org/donate


Send checks to:
Healing Hearts Ministries
PO Box 44670 Rio Rancho, NM 87174

phone (505) 355-6922